If it looks healthy that's good enough

It's amazing something so healthy can taste so good

Not really... If you add enough sugar to anything it tastes pretty damn good. Just look at Coca Cola and Pepsi. Seriously, without all the added sweetness they would taste pretty awful.

Speaking of Coca Cola and Pepsi... One 600ml bottle of Coca Cola contains 63.6 grams of sugar. One Tropical Storm Smoothie from Boost Juice contains 69.1 grams of sugar.

To put these figures into perspective, a teaspoon of sugar is about 4 grams, so if you add two to a cup of tea or coffee, that makes 8 grams. Let's also consider the 20ml of milk that you're adding - which also adds another 2 grams of sugar - and that effectively means that in order to match the sugar in just ONE Boost Juice Smoothie you would need to drink roughly SEVEN cups of tea/coffee.

It seems these days all you have to do to convince people that something is healthy is to simply claim it. Use bright colours in your advertising, hire children to run your business for you, and use special keywords like immune, boost and vitamins, and BOOM - people will buy it, hook, line and sinker.

This multi-millionaire businesswoman has absolutely no qualms about what she's doing - she even has the bare audacity to continue to portray herself as a yoga-loving health food guru to the media. If she had even a shred of decency she'd apologise to everyone for poisoning them with copious amounts of sugar under the guise of offering healthy shakes and then slink away into obscurity. Instead we get to watch her in action on SharkTank where she tries to swallow up good business ideas by offering terrible equity deals to naive, unsuspecting business novices who probably have no idea that the woman is worse than Satan, lying to an unsuspecting, uneducated public who yearns to be healthy but just doesn't have the time in which to realistically achieve it.

What golden gems of advice should the budding entrepreneur expect from Janine Allis the evil marketing genius when taking her equity deal? Perhaps she can skill them in the myriad of ways in which you can most effectively lie to your customers? Or perhaps she can offer them justifications so they can feel better about hiring schoolchildren and underpaying them, effectively having them carry out all the hard work of your business for you? Or maybe she can tell you how to bend over in front of her while she's holding a giant black dildo - because if you accepted an equity deal with her, well, believe it - you're gonna get fucked - you'd just better hope that the contract she made you sign included a clause in which you receive an adequate amount of lube.

Be who you want to be - a drunk

Go to any AA meeting and you'll hear the same stories:

I was so anxious - I just didn't want to be anxious anymore
I just wanted to have more confidence
Alcohol made me feel like I was a better person

It's no coincidence that marketers tap into these same insecurities in order to sell booze. They know damn well why most people of a certain age reach for a drink in the first place. In my mind there's only two types of drinkers, and those two types of drinkers are typified by the two different types of vodka you can buy.

Young people like their alcohol to not taste like alcohol but at the same time be strong enough to get them absolutely hammered. They also don't want to pay too much for the privilege. So their drink of choice more often than not is fruit or pop flavoured vodka.

Easy enough, right? But how to sell vodka to the other type of drinker, the one who isn't necessarily looking to party the night away? Easy. Speak to that inner lack which drove them to drink in the first place. And that's just what this ad does - except it's aimed squarely at men.

I find the list of men that you can 'be' if you want to rather interesting:

• Mahatma Gandhi - nothing about inebriation speaks to me of non-violent resistance, except for when you're drunk and you finally pass out. That part is non-violent
• Sigmund Freud - drunk people don't have enough empathy to be able to see past the egos of other people - and their own egos become hopelessly inflated
• David Hasselhoff - this one is accurate. You can become a wreck of a man whose daughter films him drunkenly eating chicken off the kitchen floor if you drink enough
• Brad Pitt - again this is accurate. By drinking, you too can eradicate enough brain cells to get to the point where you match wits with Brad Pitt's
• James Bond - no... You drink and you can't jump from planes, ski down slopes whilst picking off enemy agents with your machine gun, etc. You need good hand-eye coordination and drinking reduces that
• John Rambo - yes. You can become John Rambo if you drink. In fact, most of us would need to
• Superman - no. Drinking does not give you superhuman strength - it just makes you think you have it

You'll note in the reflection that Sauron is mentioned...